DRAWIN' JOURNAL!

I was originally writing this during the last day of the month, but I guess by the time I'm done it's gonna count as an April 1st thing, I know that's the Fool's day... feels weird timing for some reason, but where I live is celebrated on December 28th, so there's that *shrug* A n y w a y s... this is more of a contextual update rather than plannings, most of what I expressed in that regard on my previous journal still applies ^^

Still, the parts relevant enough about my work have been highlighted for those willing to read just that =3

~ The Wake-Up Call and going from 'Shitto' to Keto...

I've recounted it several times to many people, but to keep it short: February and March have been kind of a mess for my head and body, and the "proper" struggle on trying to get outta that mess. Summer here in Uruguay slapped us with a severe heatwave, I also went through an annoying art block (at times I even felt like I forgot how to draw geez wtf) and self-concious feelings about leaving the gym, my weight situation, and eating habits too. Partially I got to a certain heavy intake 'cuz of the gym, but once that aspect was paused (at least I hope to come back soon enough later) I was still "eating away" the stress of last year and letting myself go, and I knew I was doing it... you know, the good ol' placebo effect.

By that point my old scale has become my frenemy (not that it being an old dusty analogue one -that kept me half-guessing all the time- helped its case), so I just got rid of it... but then my over-eating got worse, my sleeping got worse, my mood got worse, everything just got fucking worse LOL; finally I got a new digital scale, something that's waaay more accurate... and to be honest the inital number I saw scared me, I was reaching the kind of obessity I left behind years ago... and I told myself hell no, fuck that, no fucking way, I'm not dealing with this again X_x

So yeah, if I wasn't gonna exercise no more (specially since the eliptic machine I bought a bit ago ended being defective, internally slanted, fuck my luck... it makes my leg motions uncomfortable as fuck and I don't wanna end hurting my weist or something, then again it wasn't brand new, lesson learnt) I had to radically change my eating. I recalled that keto was what worked for me the last time (I was able to even focus better on my work thanks to it) and dediced to resume it, but not before properly preparing for it, going through a low-carb eating period, stopping my caffeine intake and what not... 

By then I was already near the middle of March, and that's when something unexpected -yet honestly... quite welcome- happened... remember all that stress from the end of last year I kept mentioning? well, to keep it short, it was a breakup with my then boyfriend, and while I knew things were never going to be the same (I think probably for the better, many unflattering factors involved sadly triggered the whole situation) at least I though maybe a frienship could survive, but nope... after messaging him one day for what felt like a long while, since I was used to his busy schedule, I was just specifically requested to cut contact. My first though was: 'huh, mkay... that's fair, the last thing I wanna cause this person is trouble'; but the moment it happened, I realized I wasn't really sad anymore, nor resentful at all... I had my time to grief the whole thing, and apparently he had time to move on from me. Suddenly I had no more doubts or lingering expectations, there were no more "what ifs" spinning in my head... I felt a heavyness being lifted off myself, I felt relief... and while I'll always appreciate the good things from that relationship, even if when looking back it all feels like an unbelievable dream, at least now I can finally give myself some closure and move on mentally from it... my best wishes to you, dude <33

Damn wow, just writing it down reassures that feeling, haha ^^u Anyways, once I finally was deep into a few days of keto diet, I preffered to dive into an alternative-to-consecutive fasting for faster results. I did it for around a week, a bit of a struggle but certainly worth doing so. It feels like quite the cleansing to be honest, it has even helped me to focus properly on things and being more proactive and relaxed, I welcome that a lot ^^ Sadly though, a fast is not very sustainable when you've other responsabilities, specially when it comes to my job and finances... there's only so much time I can take off before things start to pile up again X_x So as of the writing of this journal I've gone back to keto, making sure I can fully get back into my artworks and commissions. It feels okay, I feel in control again, doing it for myself... and I'm just glad I didn't let any of the things spiral for the worse. Here's hoping the progress only gets better x3

~ WEBSITE: Of Revamps 'n' Payoffs <333

So, with all those previous things going around, a bit after the beginning of March I took the time to revamp much of this website and its sections, making things more reachable and clear for y'all ^^ But more specifically, I wanted to completely overhaul my Homepage and it was worth it ^^ Now it feels like a proper "main hub" for all my endevours, properly directing people to where all the action is at =D Then, an interesting discovery...

When I had to open commissions last month, I did so only announcing it through my main gallery sites and this website, totally skipping social media (not that I've many lol) and the reception was surprisingly equal, even done more directly through mail as I usually expect. It helped me realize I don't need them and I really appreciate that, specially now when NSFW artist are being screwed over all over the place in those (for reals, I feel like I keep dodging bullets when it comes to banning and/or suspensions, or thankfully avoiding monetization sites that just got fucking worse for adult content X_x). So apparently this place works just fine as a main contact source for y'all, and I'm truly happy about that since that was always the main goal =3

*LOL literally realizing as I'm about to post this, how it all occured exactly in the day that Shakespeare saying references... or maybe I was just striked by Denzel Crocker's groovy vibez, oh well... a good thing is a good thing, I'll take it.

Well, not much else to share for now to be honest... as usual, just keeping y'all on the loop ^^!
Thanks a lot for your appreciation and support, now let's get back to work =D

You know, by the end of 2023 I feel that life chewed me up good and spat me out all flavourless, like to see how far it could keep going with me... how rude of you, life LOL; anyways... for the most part this is a public recount of what I already explained to fellow subscribers and most clients, but making it extra public for the usual sake of transparency ^^!

The relevant parts about my work have been highlighted for the benefit of those willing to read just that =3

~ Life's a Bitch and Then You Keep Living...

Yeah, last year many things went quite oof, and while still better than what I was afraid of... the stings of pain from precious things that broke in the process still lurk around me; is like I'm still sorrounded by the ghost of thoughs related to people and situations that already took their course, even before I could exactly do anything more than just accept what was happening. I wish so many things went differently last year, but I can't live in the "would'ves" and "could'ves", right? I gotta move on to finally move on, and here I am, tired of expecting my silly brain to realize the many answers to stupidly repeated questions have already been given a long time ago. There's nothing else to do but cleaning up and picking up the pieces of my own mess... and it sounds extra dramatic once written, but it's an accurate destilation of the position that finally got me to sit down and express myself here ^^u

Anyways, I hope 2024 will be a year of success and fun, of further developments and joy ^^! My family visit for the holidays did me quite good, and I've already taken a pre-empted approach to many things I wanted to start fresh with, like my exercising (the gym I got into getting even more flexible hours and days in the week helped), my diet (fine carbs, you can come back in... but you better work for me instead lol) and sleeping schedules (hello night, I guess you're my friend for resting too). All that remains is to focus on my work... and I'm REALLY glad that I can still say my work remains as one of the great sources of joy in my life <3 BUT the enviroment online for artists have been rough, and that's sadly hard to ignore (specially in financial terms). So, in a more personal note with that... some plans, even though I really didn't want them to, need a slight retooling...

~ Changes in SUBSCRIPTIONS' Distribution 'n' Creative Process...

Settling down on SubscribeStar and FANBOX has been a good establishment for my creativity, yet the output ways I performed last year were still quite subpar, but I think is mostly 'cuz I was focusing on the wrong aspects of it, I need a good balance (specially if I wanna reduce the resolutions explained on the next section to a minimum for the sake of my backlog) to properly keep myself afloat. So from now on things will be as follows:

As I've been doing since last year, completed non-private commissions will continue to be released early to subscribers for around a whole month before hitting the public,

While the rest of my works -regardless of content- will be exclusively granted to subscribers for extended periods of time, around and/or up to a whole year;

Also I'm gonna take a simpler coloring approach to all my other non-commissioned works (mostly fanarts, and specifically speaking: the shading*) since I wanna be able to produce more in less time;

*it doesn't mean I'm gonna make everything "flat colored" from now on, but with a simpler "cel-shaded" look -best example I was given: The Simpsons show vs The Simpsons Movie shading lol-, and of course always depending on the source material, in order for the best vibe to hit, because stupid sexy muscles and certain details always need shading to feel wowzers in erotic works anyway x3 If anything, the best way to complement these changes in shading will be doing almost-always full on backgrounds =3

~ COMMISSIONS: Backlog Still The Focus... But Monthly Slots Will Open Up;

I feel partially quite bad about having to take this decision ^^u but subscriptions, as welcome as they're, still form quite a gamble that doesn't fully pay the bills, unless aided by monthly commissions ^^u I mean, it was more or less the situation during the remaining months of 2023 after I decided to close "permanently" once my debt was solved ^^u

I'll be opening slots again this year BUT I'll make sure to do it on a very controlled and properly scheduled manner in relation to my backlog. I'm thinking a maximum of 2 to 3 as much each time. Ideally I'll open them biweekly on weekends (could be more often, could be less often, that will always depend on how the numbers do each month) and only LVLs Gamma and/or Delta. The usual conditions will apply, more specific details will be given on the announcements each time, since character and/or topical-focus discounts could be involved too.

BTW is worth mentioning that the changes on my creative process described on the previous section WON'T AFFECT previous/current and/or future arranged commissions for the time being and until further notice, 'cuz I intent to keep that final look going on consistently until full clearance is reached ^^

Anyways, that is all for now, folks! I wanted to keep on you the loop of things as usual, once more here's to a productive 2024 full of good things for us all ^^!

 Thanks a lot for your appreciation and support =3

Dammit, I've lost count of how many times I tried/started and/or restarted writing this one since real life -and some tiny sort of toons <333- kept getting in the way or just plain changing the mood and vibez of what I wanted to say ^^u

The relevant parts about my work have been highlighted for the benefit of those willing to read just that =3 

~ Let's Go to The Point, Dawgs...

It feels like a lot went on since the last time I wrote y'all back in April, all so fast yet so slow, so similar yet so different, all happening in scary yet... comforting ways ^^u But to be honest, I don't wanna dwell into ALL of it... actions speak better than words, I love being proactive whenever situations get in my way... this is no different x3

I think that I only need/wanna share just enough to reassure those that invested in me as an artist. Am I being pointlessly selfconcious now? isn't that as much as I've always shared? well, probably... Maybe it just means that everything has pretty much calmed down since then, not exactly in the ways I expected, but still more than good enough to simply bring me back the power I had to deal with it, and let my work be the reflection of it all ^^ 

The most important development: last month I nuked a debt I had from a big investment I did back near the end of 2022. It was a bit of a gamble on the first place, but I think some risks are better taken rather than sinking in doubts. I had to take several turns on the road to achieve this, which where mostly possible through the help of my clients/supporters, so thank y'all very VERY VERY much! It all happened at the same time I was getting acquainted with SubscribeStar's banking options (way easier than I though) and adjusting myself with Fanbox's new ways (not as easy but still fine) too. So NOW that it's all over and done, I'm just happy and relieved, with a new sense of direction (and really-much-needed new glasses LOL) and ready to focus on what feels like the next chapter of my solo career xP So, what will be the dealio from now on?

~ COMMISSIONS Will Remain CLOSED Until Backlog Gets DONE!

Being fresh off that debt made me rethink this one a lot, but I'll stick to it, since now I can truly commit with no distractions. The special discount I opened last August was a huge part of what solved my debt and also the start of this commitment, and I know I can pull it off! All things will be done or I'll stop calling myself slashweilerdog, dammit!

EDIT 22/09/23: The STATUS/PENDINGS list has been finally updated with more detailed info. regarding the specific amount of commissions for all clients, since I know I won't be adding more to it ^^! It's VERY likely that I'll focus on clients based on quantity, going from those with little orders and then progressing into those with bigger ones. Nonetheless -and this is very important- I still won't be exactly planning when I'll work 'on this or that commision' since is still hard to predict it fully. If anything I recommend you ALWAYS check my STATUS/PENDINGS page before asking me anything that might be already described there ^^!

Availibility and/or time zone differences are always meddling things, and I really dislike making people wait 'live' for me, since we both end stressed and/or hyped/dissapointed for no reason. Plus in the past I tended to sacrify my sleeping for the sake of rushing through things, but I won't be doing that anymore. Just 'cuz I thankfully can be really flexible with my time, doesn't mean I need to demolish my schedule and suffer through it to succeed ^^u

~ Exclusive Comics coming to SUBSCRIPTION-SITES!

A while ago I remember reading somewhere that is better to get out the ideas you want while you still can, rather than wasting time waiting for 'the right moment' or always aiming for 'perfection' to consider them 'truly' done. That you can have them realized and be glad you did. That if later you wanna revisit them to fix them up, you can. 'Cuz nothing is truly final until you say it is =3 And as I look in the mirror at the white hairs growing on my beard and moustache, I realize... I'm not getting any younger, and that I've been doing exactly the detrimental parts of that statement X_x OOF, no more baby!

Starting this month I'll also work on fun lewd comics for the sake of doing them, just having stupid sexy fun regardless of the final look of it... they could be sketchy ones, they could be colored ones -probably flat as much for now LOL-; I might actually write stories and work from that, maybe I'll just randomly start at specific scene ideas and panels... and then working backwards and/or forward to make a narrative... maybe chapters, maybe one-shot wonders, who knows! What I DO know for SURE is that I wanna have fun and share it too!

And since I started building up precious workload through my Subscription Sites, I've been able to see the potential freedom they can give me in many ways! SPECIALLY considering the road to completion of my commissions' backlog will be part of that big time, and I won't feel like I'm having to choose one for the other... since all with count as progress =D

And by the end of the day it will all be for the stupid sexy entertaining benefit of both of y'all supporters and me ^^!

~ Addendum: A Seemingly-Unrelated Yet Welcome Looney Blessing...

You know, as I was going through the motions these past weeks, Tiny Toons Looniversity, the Tiny Toon Adventures reboot, premiered... and well, let me tell ya: TTA is a very dear show to me, even though I discovered it yeeears after it started. It was the first one I truly embraced as a kid, the first one I enjoyed with a level of awareness I didn't have for others before. They were the first video game I truly owned as a gift from my dad. The first proper cartoony drawings I ever did that didn't look like lame stick figures... were rabbits! And well... Arnold the Pitbull was my first cartoon furry LOL crush xP The point being, it's very important to me and among many other things, a big part of what inspired me to do what I do today ^^

Looniversity, in many ways... couldn't have arrived at a better time. In a sea of cynicism, that I admit I tend to make myself part of, here comes this new take... friends discovering themselves, learning about their strenghts and weaknesses. A really feel good show delightfully wrapped in the cartoon wackyness I adore, but still able to be full of heart... and I'm not sure if it's nostalgia, since the take is quite different ugh, people doesn't shuddup about Buster and Babs' relation now LOL, and a literal ground-zero reboot, but it just made me feel inspired again... understood and seen.

Weird, huh... is like it came back to me full circle when I most needed it, telling me how it's okay to get off my comfort zone, that things and relationships might change and/or evolve in different ways, that is no reason to feel dispair... that failing is okay, that you can get back up, that you can ask for help <333 I know, those things could have reached me through many other places -and they've-, but it still resonated with me a lot =3 If I was a kid today I know I would be loving it too!

It boosted my vibez these days, and for that I'm very grateful... Give it a watch sometime, I hope it boost you too =D

And that's all for now, folks! Thanks for reading through it all if you did, hopefully next time it will be to celebrate moving closer into completing my backlog, or having right away nuked it properly!

I dunno exactly how to feel anymore about sharing my turmoil nor how much of it I should share, but it affected and keeps affecting my life and workload specially, so... is fair up to some degree to make it known to y'all ^^u 

~ The Good Barks 'n' Recreations...

Well, there's no way around it, as far as planned vacations go... this one was quite awesome! It was a fun time with a cool friendo and my best boyo <333 Just lovely relaxing periods in the outside, rediscovering my own city in many ways, disconnecting from the stress of work (as much as I could/wanted to... which I'm quite glad) and the main reason to gather -The Stupid-Sexy-Gamin'-Ape Movie ft. some Plumber Bros LOL- turned out to be one of the most chilling, amusingly awesome and vibrant feel-good experiences ever on the big screen, in more ways than one! Topped off with a delightful culinary experience at a place we jokingly-hyped so much during the whole week, that it would have been ridiculous not to do so x'D! So yeah, good times all around, precious moments I'm glad I was a part of <333

~ The Bad Growls, Bites 'n' Frustations...

Sadly, the other truth is... I really understimated how much the whole mugging situation affected me internally, it remained being like a big pile of crap that took over me and just... scared me something aweful. It made me fear and doubt things I KNOW I shouldn't have at all. After what I recently managed to describe only as a sort of emotional "flat-linining" (basically all that I explained in the previous addendum) going on, this past week I ended taking that conflict into places that also affected those around me. I was constantly fighting it and trying to keep it together to preserve things all good for the sake of our vacation; and while nothing was as bad as to ruin the whole thing, in many ways I ended putting them in undeserved positions of discomfort that I deeply regret, and honestly made me feel quite fucking OOF inside X_x

What felt the worst of all is that... it didn't have to be that way at all if I just managed to be more open and honest about how I was feeling, not only with everyone around me but specially with myself first. Yes, granted these were all things I was helped to realize by the end of it. I guess I just didn't know what the fuck was going on with me at the moment until it was too fucking late X_x 

~ The No-Way-Around-It...

The conclusion is one I've been tinkering with for a while even before all this: I really need some therapy. I like doing introspection and wondering on the ways I work, I know I'm not fragile person, I always tell myself I'm the master of my own domain yeah... but I'm not invincible. I can't put a blind eye anymore to the many things that I just can't handle, or that I though I did for a while, but they've morphed enough into stuff I just dunno how to anymore. And the close people you deeply care and count with can only do so much before you accept you need professional help, at least... that's what I can say about my case. I feel no shame on admitting it, but I do feel a little guilt I left things (aside of outside forces interfering) get outta hand, affecting and hurting them too =_=U

~ ...Yet The Show Must Go On ^^u

There's a general financial aspect that has had me delaying doing therapy so far, and as well as things were going for the most part, it just wasn't part of my priorities. But it's all a matter of organizing myself around it and making it a priority, as much as I've done with several other aspects and/or things hitting me around in life in order to reach my goals ^^u I'll keep working as "normal" as I can since I just have to, and I hope at least these discoveries keep shapping my decisions for the better <333 Details on how I'll proceed with commissions and/or personal works will remain being shared/updated on their respective places through this website and the many public spaces I share my works through ^^

Thanks once again if you went along reading all this ^^! These journals keep helping me sort out my trains of thoughs in ways I keep valuing more and more each time, until the next one.. hopefully with even better outcomes =3 

An update on the happenings of last week and the next; this whole thing has been so annoyingly stressful, and my sickness have had me taking several breaks before finally publishing it, dammit X_X anyways... 

~ Art-Blocked 'n' Literally Sick of It X_x

For the past week or so I've not been able to work on anything no matter how much I try to get in the zone, I just end feeling tired, angry and sick. I either get headaches or cold sweats, I can't sleep properly whenever I want to, I just fucking hate it X_x I keep telling myself the situation that happened probably affected me deeper than I think? I though I was over it, I though I managed to rationalize it like it was no biggie, but maybe I've not had the time to actually process it and is manifesting through all this crap??? I dunno, I just... I feel so bad, so sorry and so impotent. I wish I could have delayed my parents' visit travel into next month or something, I dunno... I can't change what happened, I know. I hate these instances 'cuz I wanted to do so many things the moment I got back from my visit, I was going through a very good lap before all this. Hell, these past weeks I wasn't really relaxing, but rather just guilt tripping myself for not finishing and/or starting anything like an endless loop. I dunno what the fuck is going on, but today I told myself... enough guilt tripping, dammit! 

~ A Break With a Monkey 'n' Some Plumbers, I Guess...

So what also was having me on hold and aiding to this mental persecution is that these next couple of weeks a friend from Argentina will be visiting me, and is a trip that we've been planning for months in advance, secured right before the whole muggin instance happened to me, and with how differently I expected things to play out, cancelation was always out of the question. The main reason for it is to share the premiere of the stupid sexy monkey movie ft. some plumbers LOL -but yeah really, I've been lookin' up to this thing for a while, specially since Donkey Kong's presence keeps getting more relevant and just fucking delicious-, but also it's like a planned vacation that originally wouldn't have disrupted my workload and schedule, since is a rarity for me to plan relaxation in advance.

Anyways, all things considered, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be at home again or at all during most of it and/or if I'm gonna be carrying around my drawing tablet with me. If I do so I'll be sketching here and there to not get rusty and at least cope with the possibilities, allowing myself to express some stuff. But ideally I won't be doing anything commission-related until the whole trip duration is over, which will be around April 10th, then pretty sure that week I might be opening a few slots the weekend after that to recoup some momentum, but I'll see how things play out closer to that date ^^u Biggest consolation for now is my arm is pretty much fully healed with no signs of long-term damage, so that's pretty awesome ^^

All in all I can't let circumstances stop me and let me feel defeated. I just keep finding it hard to communicate that with clients/followers without using too much words, or just doing it at all... Anyways, I hope you all get a chance to relax during easter week too ^^! 

I dunno what's more ironic: for this exact scene of Snake* to come to my head instantly when thinking of what happened to me through a 'tragicomical' lense, or that the image file size ended being 911kbs... sigh ^^U either way... letting the situation define me from now on wasn't an option, but I would be lying to myself if I said it didn't affect me =_=U

~ The Plan and The Night In Question...

Back at the beginning of this year I planned on visiting my family during March, partially for my birthday's sake, but at the same time in order to help my parents to upgrade their computer (from Windows 7 to 10 -gleefully skipping 8 and 8.1 in the process LOL- simply adding an SDD, you know... gotta keep those precious digitally-saved family memories safe -I mean, once mom told me they wanted to install her Windows 19??? I knew I needed to be there instead). I was gonna do so during its second weekend to skip the horrible summer heatwave going on here, but at the end it seemed better to go a few days later 'cuz where they live is seriously not better in that regard. With all that sorted, I decided to go on the dawn of monday, 'cuz little dawg me doesn't like traveling during the day at all...

I had no money with me whatsoever, circumstances wouldn't allow me to get any until next day anyway, but it's not like I needed any at the moment... I was just ready with my backpack filled mostly with some clothing for the upcoming days, a couple of books to keep me entertained just in case, also the bus station is like only 15 mins from where I live, so what were the odds... the odds of some random mugger approaching me. He went with the excuse of "hey buddy, you dropped something, you dropped a bill here" when I knew he was lying, and as usual... I just ignored such things. Stranger danger and what not... stranger danger indeed. The guy suddenly attacked me, dropping me in the floor, holding me strongly, bruising my right hand, arm and leg while forcing himself on me, trying to snatch my wallet away in the hope of scoring some cash. I just kept telling the guy I had nothing and to please let me go -it was one of those instances in where suddenly everyone else just dissappeared- and after he sucessfully got it and verified exactly was I was telling him the whole time, he dropped it off and walked way... or ran away? I dunno, I honestly have blocked him from my head as of now. I don't remember how he looked at all. I'm pretty sure even as everything was happening I refused to look at his face, I didn't want to know.

The whole thing happened right around the time the bus I was supposed to get in was ready for depart, so I had little reason to look back... and if anything, what safest place to go at the time, right? it took me a bit to notice the struggle with the guy broke my pants' buckle, good thing I had an extra belt to use... otherwise I would have reached the station half naked X_x Before I knew it, there I was in the bus already, sitting still in shock of 'whatever the fuck happened' as I told myself... I slowly noticed I was bleeding here and there, but I was safe and on the road to where I supposed to be at least, that was good enough and nothing else mattered then.

I inmediately wrote my bf and some close friends about what happened, and looking back I'm perplexed at myself with the way my mind processed the whole situation. I rationalized how 'it was better that it happened to me and not to other people' I saw around the same time, even feeling sorry for the guy 'cuz he kept telling while leaving that the whole reason he did was 'cuz he was desperately hungry. But days later it dawn on me: I didn't know if the guy was armed or not, I didn't know how far he would go... I mean, sure whatever situation placed us in that moment in time wasn't fair -socioeconomically speaking- but holy shit... I was just living my times, doing my thing, bothering fucking no one and... I could have died that day.

~ The Seemly Chaotic-But-No-Quite Yet-Still-Very-Scary Outcome...

But I didn't thankfully, and the next days kept happening 'as normal' once I reached my parents' place that morning. They did 'cuz I didn't want the whole thing weighting on me... to be muggled once in the more-than-a-decade I've been living here? it felt insignificant... or maybe I wanted it to feel that way, I wanted to inmediately laugh about it, oh silly me and life happenings hahaha :V but, slowly some of the consequences felt hard to ignore. Sure, they sipped themselves into the realms of "what could have happened" -which is one I always make sure not to dive deep into, otherwise you just don't live your life-, but they were there and very present.

First, I didn't notice until after the whole bus trip that my glasses were gone for good, losing them in the encounter X_x I was inmediately contemplating on getting a loan and/or raising money urgently to get new ones and having to deal with the whole process, derailing other plans... but thankfully, those were backup ones. My main ones were broken a while ago, so if anything this whole thing forced me to fix them properly on my own... and while in prescription terms I should have gotten new ones a long time ago, you know... budgetting and surviving first. I ended having to research and look around pricing and what not these days, but at least the urgency is not there and I can place that update in the backburner >_<U

Second, during the next days I kept having lots of pain on my right arm and hand, unable to move and/or bend it extensively... to the point it made me feel a bone might have been broken, and honestly that's the scariest part of all... I realized inmediately howmy livelihood and job depends on it, it's on my drawing side... I started wondering if I had to get an operation and what not, the time and money I would have to spend on it, all the delays, move-arounds and implications, for the first couple of nights I was genuinelly scared and feeling very weak. And while at the time of writing this the pain is present enough to remind me of the warnings from that day, it's not severe enough to make me wonder those worst-case-scenarios anymore. If anything, I'm way more careful about my resting and health than I ever was before.

Thankfully in the middle of all those things, everything else went as planned computer-wise... even with a little surprise mini-party of sorts from my parents, celebrating my birthday early since I had to come back specifically that day, also at dawn... 'cuz I wasn't gonna let that bad experience sour my ways, that's for sure. And lookin' back I probably could have stayed and rested more, but that's me... always opting to be busy, to keep moving instead =_=U sigh, anyway... As I'm still recovering, I dunno how much of the physical damage I got is truly severe and how much of it ended being somatic ^^u but I can tell you all for sure that writing it down was a welcome relief, as it often is for me: a nice way of processing things. Already feeling lighter and better ='3

I've been wanting to go back to work inmediately since I came back, but not being able to sort what happened in my head was really blocking me... glad I could get this behind for the most part now, and if you did so, thanks for reading it all, have a nice day and stay safe ^^! *no worries Snake, this doesn't make me love you any less <333